SViswan: My almost 8 year old (his birthday is in two weeks) behaves like a teenager and it's driving me crazy. He was a lovely child(and still is) but the temper tantrums and the 'not fair' (which I didn't expect till he was into his teens have started. He is irresponsible with his things and I just didn't know how to handle him (never had this problem earlier). Yesterday, I was reading a Reader's digest article on sleep patterns and his fits the teenager's sleep pattern and I suddenly could understand a bit of what he was going through.
Though I've always felt my son skipped an age (we never went through the 'terrible twos' and always had a child who was mature for his age), I didn't think the 'teenage years' would be here sooner.
But coming to think of it, girls are maturing at a faster pace now than a few years back. Could that be possible with boys too? Could that be what my son is going through? I tried to talk to my husband to find out what boys go through when they mature....but he's been of no help.
Can anyone explain this to me and help me handle my wonderful son? He's really skilled in different areas and a wonderful child. It's only the tantrums and the irresponsible behaviour I cannot stand because it's so unlike him. If it was my younger son doing it when he grows I wouldn't be surprised. But coming from my older one, I just don't know what to do!
Manunulat: It is generally perceived that girls mature earlier because their physical development seems to speed up. In puberty for example, they would develop their breasts or physical changes are more noticeable than in boys. Growth and development is a very significant matter in parenting but always remember that there are so many factors that are directly or indirectly affect growth and development. Nutrition for example is most attributed to quality of growth. Growth basically talks about physical aspect while Development basically is to maturity. These two go hand in hand.
When a child reaches 3 to six years old, they assert themselves more frequently by planning activities, make up games and initiate activities with others. If these opportunities are present, the child will develop a sense of initiative and sense of security in their ability to lead others and make decisions. If the tendency is squelched by parents by criticism and control, the child will develop a sense of Guilt making him a nuisance, a follower, lacking Initiative.
Your 8 year old is not yet a teenager so you might wanna drop your apprehensions to that sleep pattern issue that you read on teenagers; but I am not pointing that sleep is not important to your growing child. Your child falls to Erikson's psychosocial development which is Industry vs. Inferiority. This stage refers to 6 years old to puberty. Puberty is what we call the stage when a child enters the adolescence period. Going back to Industry vs. Inferiority. Your child is beginning to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments. They initiate projects, see them through completion, and they feel good about this achievements. This is more exemplified in school. That's why, teachers play an increased role in child development. So if you're concerned to this aspect and want to find out how your child is doing in this area, you should ask your child's teacher on this. If children are encouraged and reinforced in their Initiative, they begin to feel industrious and feel confident in their ability to achieve goals. I don't think that temper tantrums and your child's mentioning of not fair a manifestation of his being irresponsible. Encourage your child for more initiatives. Define his role in the home. Don't expect him to fix his room or stuff when you fail to demonstrate it. Remember, if you have 2 children... do not compare them because they are two separate individuals. If Initiative is not encouraged, if it is restricted by parents and teachers, the child begins to feel inferior doubting his own abilities and therefore may not reach his potentials. Listen to your child and don't take his verbal replies as tantrums or his actions as tantrums. A tantrum happens when a child lacks the verbal ability to convey his needs and wants. When he say it's not fair, explore his feelings in order to determine his thoughts. Then it is your duty to present choices that enables him to make decisions. If otherwise you think a certain aspect cannot be met, you should tell the truth and make valid explanations. Children look at parents as their models so be more demonstrative in certain projects at home that they might wanna be involved with. It is a very good thing that you talk things with your husband. Try to encourage your husband to go out with some activities with your kids. Husbands may not be aware but they are effective teachers in terms of many adventurous ideas like fishing, and other sports. Determining physical changes are important also, most significant changes in boys would be physical: height, weight, hair growth, changes in voice (which marks puberty), and of course other areas of development (changes in appearance). Since you mentioned that your child is skilled in many areas, explore his needs in these areas and encourage more Initiatives to this that allow him to participate and make decisions. Don't worry, it will be fine. You are a great mom, you are observing such things. Other moms don't care this much.
SViswan: Well, my son has always been mature for his age...and a friendly and social child. His teachers at school also encourage him and they do it openly. They give him the challenging projects and don't forget to mention that they are getting him to do it 'because they know he can'. I also spoke about my concerns to one of his teachers who has known him for 3 years and she agrees that she sees drastic changes and he's not the same boy we know. She even finds him distracted in class which is so unlike him. At school, he is encouraged to do everything he can and he is the kind of child who takes initiative to do things on his own. Even if it's a competition he knows nothing about...he will enter his name and then try to figure out what to do so that he can participate....which I see as a good quality. He loves to learn new stuff and is interested in almost everything and I never stop him from exploring his interests. In fact, my only worry was that he would be over-confident and feel that there was no area that he could fail at.
Both my kids are never compared and they are very different from each other...and that is why if this behaviour I see in my older one....was seen in my little one at the same age, I wouldn't be surprised.
But you might be right on the part where my older one lacks the vocabulary to explain what is going on in his mind and maybe that is what is coming out as his frustrations. I've always had open conversations with him (he talks to me more than my husband). He even came and told me how he feels when he sees the body parts of women and he was worried it was wrong. That's when it struck me that this is how boys going through puberty feel and the way he was physically growing...not just tall.
Anyways, I have started talking to him and even though he might not have the vocabulary to verbalise what is going on, I will try and figure out what it is.
But coming to think of it, girls are maturing at a faster pace now than a few years back. Could that be possible with boys too? Could that be what my son is going through? I tried to talk to my husband to find out what boys go through when they mature....but he's been of no help.
Can anyone explain this to me and help me handle my wonderful son? He's really skilled in different areas and a wonderful child. It's only the tantrums and the irresponsible behaviour I cannot stand because it's so unlike him. If it was my younger son doing it when he grows I wouldn't be surprised. But coming from my older one, I just don't know what to do!
Manunulat: It is generally perceived that girls mature earlier because their physical development seems to speed up. In puberty for example, they would develop their breasts or physical changes are more noticeable than in boys. Growth and development is a very significant matter in parenting but always remember that there are so many factors that are directly or indirectly affect growth and development. Nutrition for example is most attributed to quality of growth. Growth basically talks about physical aspect while Development basically is to maturity. These two go hand in hand.
When a child reaches 3 to six years old, they assert themselves more frequently by planning activities, make up games and initiate activities with others. If these opportunities are present, the child will develop a sense of initiative and sense of security in their ability to lead others and make decisions. If the tendency is squelched by parents by criticism and control, the child will develop a sense of Guilt making him a nuisance, a follower, lacking Initiative.
Your 8 year old is not yet a teenager so you might wanna drop your apprehensions to that sleep pattern issue that you read on teenagers; but I am not pointing that sleep is not important to your growing child. Your child falls to Erikson's psychosocial development which is Industry vs. Inferiority. This stage refers to 6 years old to puberty. Puberty is what we call the stage when a child enters the adolescence period. Going back to Industry vs. Inferiority. Your child is beginning to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments. They initiate projects, see them through completion, and they feel good about this achievements. This is more exemplified in school. That's why, teachers play an increased role in child development. So if you're concerned to this aspect and want to find out how your child is doing in this area, you should ask your child's teacher on this. If children are encouraged and reinforced in their Initiative, they begin to feel industrious and feel confident in their ability to achieve goals. I don't think that temper tantrums and your child's mentioning of not fair a manifestation of his being irresponsible. Encourage your child for more initiatives. Define his role in the home. Don't expect him to fix his room or stuff when you fail to demonstrate it. Remember, if you have 2 children... do not compare them because they are two separate individuals. If Initiative is not encouraged, if it is restricted by parents and teachers, the child begins to feel inferior doubting his own abilities and therefore may not reach his potentials. Listen to your child and don't take his verbal replies as tantrums or his actions as tantrums. A tantrum happens when a child lacks the verbal ability to convey his needs and wants. When he say it's not fair, explore his feelings in order to determine his thoughts. Then it is your duty to present choices that enables him to make decisions. If otherwise you think a certain aspect cannot be met, you should tell the truth and make valid explanations. Children look at parents as their models so be more demonstrative in certain projects at home that they might wanna be involved with. It is a very good thing that you talk things with your husband. Try to encourage your husband to go out with some activities with your kids. Husbands may not be aware but they are effective teachers in terms of many adventurous ideas like fishing, and other sports. Determining physical changes are important also, most significant changes in boys would be physical: height, weight, hair growth, changes in voice (which marks puberty), and of course other areas of development (changes in appearance). Since you mentioned that your child is skilled in many areas, explore his needs in these areas and encourage more Initiatives to this that allow him to participate and make decisions. Don't worry, it will be fine. You are a great mom, you are observing such things. Other moms don't care this much.
SViswan: Well, my son has always been mature for his age...and a friendly and social child. His teachers at school also encourage him and they do it openly. They give him the challenging projects and don't forget to mention that they are getting him to do it 'because they know he can'. I also spoke about my concerns to one of his teachers who has known him for 3 years and she agrees that she sees drastic changes and he's not the same boy we know. She even finds him distracted in class which is so unlike him. At school, he is encouraged to do everything he can and he is the kind of child who takes initiative to do things on his own. Even if it's a competition he knows nothing about...he will enter his name and then try to figure out what to do so that he can participate....which I see as a good quality. He loves to learn new stuff and is interested in almost everything and I never stop him from exploring his interests. In fact, my only worry was that he would be over-confident and feel that there was no area that he could fail at.
Both my kids are never compared and they are very different from each other...and that is why if this behaviour I see in my older one....was seen in my little one at the same age, I wouldn't be surprised.
But you might be right on the part where my older one lacks the vocabulary to explain what is going on in his mind and maybe that is what is coming out as his frustrations. I've always had open conversations with him (he talks to me more than my husband). He even came and told me how he feels when he sees the body parts of women and he was worried it was wrong. That's when it struck me that this is how boys going through puberty feel and the way he was physically growing...not just tall.
Anyways, I have started talking to him and even though he might not have the vocabulary to verbalise what is going on, I will try and figure out what it is.
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